I wish this was a better post, but I'm feeling down, and none of the less, stupid. And I need to rant.
I knew from the beginning of our D/s relationship that Master was getting over a crush with a vanilla girl that couldn't work, and I thought things would get better for Him, especially with Him owning me. Now it's been about 5 months or so since He's owned me, but yet He still can't get over this girl who probably has more than me going for her at the moment. But what makes it worse is that I get to see His posts on other social networking sites about Him missing her and His pain for her and so on without talking to me, as his doll and sub, about it. He got me to admit to Him that I love Him and how much I care for Him not only as a Master, but as a person as well. so naturally I'm feeling heartbroken tonight.
So yes, I do feel stupid. I feel stupid for falling easily. I feel stupid that I know what my options are with the possible consequences, yet don't know what to do. I've been #2 in some of my other relationships in the past (with and without me knowing at the time) and I know I can't handle it again. I can honestly say that this is probably one of the loneliest times of my life, and that this is the longest I've ever been single in about 7-8 years: no one to openly talk to, hug, cuddle, kiss, fuck, or even hear "I love you". and it's not like I can "move on" and find a boyfriend or girlfriend (yes, I'm bisexual if you didn't know already), or even a fuck buddy because I don't want to get tied down to someone where I'm from because I'd like to move out of state for graduate school.
So maybe He'll read this, maybe He won't. Either way thank you for reading this.
-DS<3
Friday, May 24, 2013
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
My Second Life
To start, I apologize for the lack of blogging. Both Master Kronos and I had a hectic schedule, and hasn't been much play, until the past couple of days or so, that is...
Master has introduced me to the game Second Life. I have heard of it before, however, I didn't know it could be this... "fun". I am still getting used to the controls, but when I am in the second world, it is like the real world or human self doesn't exist or matter. I am a kitten pleasure unit owned by Bailey Button, who is also a kitten bot. She is lovely, and a fair owner. My speech changes- I am unable to use first person and contractions. I am leashed by her, and have no freewill- just the way I like it. Like any robot, she can switch me on and off, which affects my human body as well. Unfortunately, due to my inexperience, I disappointed her tonight by not figuring out how to follow a certain command. I feel so guilty and ashamed because, like any good sub, I hate disappointing my Owner. But she punished me by transforming me into a brainwashed doll as she sat back and watched. I focused on the words "Obey, relax, breath deeply", and so on, and I was lost within the words.
He wasn't able to bring back my human self until our Skype session, but I did not want to come back. The thing is,(which I hope he knows and understands) no matter what form he transforms me into, whether it is as his pleasure bot, doll, pet, or back to my human self, I will obey and aim to please him no matter what. Even when Master or myself wants to switch to me being dominant for a session, all I want to do is make him happy. Lately I have been considering what I can do that is subtle/unknown to make myself feel owned or set myself apart from the vanillas while in the vanilla world, such as at work or school. I'll figure something out hopefully.
Well, back to the "real world"... for now.
-DS <3
Master has introduced me to the game Second Life. I have heard of it before, however, I didn't know it could be this... "fun". I am still getting used to the controls, but when I am in the second world, it is like the real world or human self doesn't exist or matter. I am a kitten pleasure unit owned by Bailey Button, who is also a kitten bot. She is lovely, and a fair owner. My speech changes- I am unable to use first person and contractions. I am leashed by her, and have no freewill- just the way I like it. Like any robot, she can switch me on and off, which affects my human body as well. Unfortunately, due to my inexperience, I disappointed her tonight by not figuring out how to follow a certain command. I feel so guilty and ashamed because, like any good sub, I hate disappointing my Owner. But she punished me by transforming me into a brainwashed doll as she sat back and watched. I focused on the words "Obey, relax, breath deeply", and so on, and I was lost within the words.
He wasn't able to bring back my human self until our Skype session, but I did not want to come back. The thing is,(which I hope he knows and understands) no matter what form he transforms me into, whether it is as his pleasure bot, doll, pet, or back to my human self, I will obey and aim to please him no matter what. Even when Master or myself wants to switch to me being dominant for a session, all I want to do is make him happy. Lately I have been considering what I can do that is subtle/unknown to make myself feel owned or set myself apart from the vanillas while in the vanilla world, such as at work or school. I'll figure something out hopefully.
Well, back to the "real world"... for now.
-DS <3
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