So, since I posted on my FetLife that I was interested in looking for a new Dom/me or switch, I've been getting a lot more messages and meeting new people to share experiences (sadly all of the people who were interested didn't meet a qualification or two I mentioned in the post such as location or age), but it's been fun chatting none of the less.
One of the comments I got from a handful of people was that they don't understand how someone could be a switch: They always felt dominant or always wanted the control. So I thought it might be fun to explain my mindset in being a switch.
To start, I'm already bisexual, so I am already open to what gender I'm interested in (But I'm still monogamous in my relationships). But the way I explain this is this- there are some people I look at and I could imagine being dominated by him or her and have a good (if not, great) time. But then, there are times I look at someone and think "damn, I need to gag you and listen as you attempt to beg for permission to cum." One example I had was a friend of mine who explained (not with the intention of me Domming him) that he was looking for a "sexual deviant." As soon as he said that, that previous thought came to my mind because he was so innocent when it came to sex, and he was a couple years younger than me. (nothing came of it, he has a girlfriend now, and I wasn't interested in him in that way anyways.)
Also, as I mentioned in a previous post when I had thoughts of controlling my last Master, that feeling of suddenly taking control came over me because I knew he would like it, and so would I. It was the thought of "turning the tables"- especially if they didn't expect it. I feel like there's a possibility of becoming bored if it was all one or the other.
If you're ever interested in other topics I can post about, you can always comment an idea or inbox me at dolly.slavegirl@gmail.com
-<3 DS
Saturday, November 30, 2013
Monday, October 28, 2013
1st update
So, I know it's been a while since I've updated- especially after where I left off in the last post. I've been busy with school and work, but I'm trying to squeeze in some fun. you know what they say- "All work and no play..."
The ex-master tried talking to me a little bit more, and suggested a website where it gives you commands and meet others who are into the hypno/doll/bot/bimbo fetish. It seemed alright, but I want the actual human interaction. Everyone I talked to, including Kronos, seemed brainwashed, and not in the fun way. It was actually creepy to a point. I even found it ironic in his case because he's been upset that one of his friends is brainwashed by a pyramid scam. I understand his concern (pyramid scams can have seerious consequences), but committing to a website as a substitute for human interaction (aka the reason I wasn't good enough for him) did not seem right to me either.
Sure, I get lonely here and there, but since my separation from my master my confidence has been the highest it has ever been in my life. I'm doing well in school and work, and I even had some "encounters" with male friends as well ;) but unfortunately not as kinky as I'd like. I'm still playing by ear: debating whether I should have fun and not commit to a relationship until I go on to grad school (which would still be about 2-3 years away), or say the hell with it and look for something serious. Either way, I need a kink fix (preferably ASAP!) It's been a hot minute since I've dolled up, or even wore a zentai, just because it added to the loneliness to not be played with.
But maybe I'll respond or post my own classified on my FetLife. Either way, I'm ready for something new.
<3 DS
The ex-master tried talking to me a little bit more, and suggested a website where it gives you commands and meet others who are into the hypno/doll/bot/bimbo fetish. It seemed alright, but I want the actual human interaction. Everyone I talked to, including Kronos, seemed brainwashed, and not in the fun way. It was actually creepy to a point. I even found it ironic in his case because he's been upset that one of his friends is brainwashed by a pyramid scam. I understand his concern (pyramid scams can have seerious consequences), but committing to a website as a substitute for human interaction (aka the reason I wasn't good enough for him) did not seem right to me either.
Sure, I get lonely here and there, but since my separation from my master my confidence has been the highest it has ever been in my life. I'm doing well in school and work, and I even had some "encounters" with male friends as well ;) but unfortunately not as kinky as I'd like. I'm still playing by ear: debating whether I should have fun and not commit to a relationship until I go on to grad school (which would still be about 2-3 years away), or say the hell with it and look for something serious. Either way, I need a kink fix (preferably ASAP!) It's been a hot minute since I've dolled up, or even wore a zentai, just because it added to the loneliness to not be played with.
But maybe I'll respond or post my own classified on my FetLife. Either way, I'm ready for something new.
<3 DS
Friday, July 12, 2013
The New Me
If my previous posts haven't indicated any troubles, Master Kronos no longer owns me. He did not want to put the effort into me anymore and wants to find an actual girlfriend and thought I could be his little side dish, even if he happens to find a vanilla girlfriend. But as I promised myself at the beginning of the year as my resolution, I am not going to put up (pardon my French) with bull shit, especially with guys, and I told him I will not interfere with his search. He was a good master at first, but the more and more he wanted to look around for a girlfriend or an additional partner, the less he listened to my needs, and well, this happened. For weeks I have been feeling down about myself, thinking I'm going to die alone since he wants to look for someone "different", which I translate to better than me- but even if I do I'm going to still look for the perfect Master or Mistress who will actually treat me right, and if it doesn't happen I'll try to play around. He abused my love and loyalty, and claimed he loved me as a sub, but no one, including myself, would have never guessed.
He said himself I was the best sub he ever had, so I decided that the joke's on him since he gave me up.
He claims I need to improve my life, but since he didn't listen to me, he didn't know I was already on my way. I got a new job where my mentally has drastically improved, ended my spring semester on a good note (and plan to graduate within a year), started to see my friends more, and I'm even losing weight (and I'm continuing that goal) and hell any day now my new blue dolly contacts will arrive at my place, so I am going to look fierce!
But with all this being said, I hope I will update this with positive posts unlike the past couple updates. Who knows what the future has in store for a newly completely single, unattached doll.
So, I'll end this post with a very important lesson to all you owners and dolls out there with a twist from the fabulous Beyonce:
If you like it then you shoulda put a collar on it.
-DS <3
He said himself I was the best sub he ever had, so I decided that the joke's on him since he gave me up.
He claims I need to improve my life, but since he didn't listen to me, he didn't know I was already on my way. I got a new job where my mentally has drastically improved, ended my spring semester on a good note (and plan to graduate within a year), started to see my friends more, and I'm even losing weight (and I'm continuing that goal) and hell any day now my new blue dolly contacts will arrive at my place, so I am going to look fierce!
But with all this being said, I hope I will update this with positive posts unlike the past couple updates. Who knows what the future has in store for a newly completely single, unattached doll.
So, I'll end this post with a very important lesson to all you owners and dolls out there with a twist from the fabulous Beyonce:
If you like it then you shoulda put a collar on it.
-DS <3
Friday, July 5, 2013
Emotions
It is times like this I wish my career is to just be a mindless doll unit.
I was let go from my job this week because my coworkers did not like my personally for some reason and found any reason they could I got a new job within the day, but none of the less I still feel rejected and like a failure. At the same time of this happening, my Master posted on His FetLife account about the idea of another sub. At this point I just felt utterly useless. I understand I am in a different state than Him, but I still worried that He would find someone better than me within His reach. I already have three consecutive experiences with guys breaking my trust with other girls, and I did not want it to happen again. Not to mention I still know He would prefer His vanilla friend over me if He was able to be in a relationship with her. So now I can't help but feel no matter what and with no matter who, there is always going to be someone better than me.
I asked Him about His posts that I was worried about, and turns out I did over-react. Once we cleared the air He put me under hypnosis and made sure I trusted Him. I told Him yes, and I really did feel silly because He has asked and made sure before hand when it comes to playing with someone else, and intercourse was not involved. I allowed Him to erase my emotions because I was more than welcome to get rid of these feelings of failure, jealousy, and loneliness. It was nice, but then He had to give them back to me for when I saw my family later that day. He put me under hypnosis again, and soon as it was over tears immediately took over. I slightly chuckled when I asked why He gave the emotions back to me, but I was serious. I apologized for my jealousy and self- doubt, knowing a lot of it came out due to my recent job loss and past experiences. But He said the best thing anyone has said to me- "it's human to feel that way." It meant a lot to hear that because every time I was jealous (and later confirmed right in the matter) with my exes they would say I am crazy or over-dramatic. But He killed it when I mentioned that He didn't seem like the jealous type, but He corrected me saying He's jealous for His vanilla friend all the time.
All day today all I could think about was just being a mindless doll for Him. I even bought new dolly contacts that have the diamond blue eye look. Not thinking would just let me obey His commands and make Him happy. Not thinking or having emotions would even let me allow another sub to play with us together if that would make Him happy. I hate having emotions, I just want to be a permanent blank slate.
So for now I'll go along for the ride and hope maybe He will see me the way I see Him, and maybe cards will line up in our favor. But realistically knowing my chances I am going to expect living the rest of my life alone.
-DS<3
I was let go from my job this week because my coworkers did not like my personally for some reason and found any reason they could I got a new job within the day, but none of the less I still feel rejected and like a failure. At the same time of this happening, my Master posted on His FetLife account about the idea of another sub. At this point I just felt utterly useless. I understand I am in a different state than Him, but I still worried that He would find someone better than me within His reach. I already have three consecutive experiences with guys breaking my trust with other girls, and I did not want it to happen again. Not to mention I still know He would prefer His vanilla friend over me if He was able to be in a relationship with her. So now I can't help but feel no matter what and with no matter who, there is always going to be someone better than me.
I asked Him about His posts that I was worried about, and turns out I did over-react. Once we cleared the air He put me under hypnosis and made sure I trusted Him. I told Him yes, and I really did feel silly because He has asked and made sure before hand when it comes to playing with someone else, and intercourse was not involved. I allowed Him to erase my emotions because I was more than welcome to get rid of these feelings of failure, jealousy, and loneliness. It was nice, but then He had to give them back to me for when I saw my family later that day. He put me under hypnosis again, and soon as it was over tears immediately took over. I slightly chuckled when I asked why He gave the emotions back to me, but I was serious. I apologized for my jealousy and self- doubt, knowing a lot of it came out due to my recent job loss and past experiences. But He said the best thing anyone has said to me- "it's human to feel that way." It meant a lot to hear that because every time I was jealous (and later confirmed right in the matter) with my exes they would say I am crazy or over-dramatic. But He killed it when I mentioned that He didn't seem like the jealous type, but He corrected me saying He's jealous for His vanilla friend all the time.
All day today all I could think about was just being a mindless doll for Him. I even bought new dolly contacts that have the diamond blue eye look. Not thinking would just let me obey His commands and make Him happy. Not thinking or having emotions would even let me allow another sub to play with us together if that would make Him happy. I hate having emotions, I just want to be a permanent blank slate.
So for now I'll go along for the ride and hope maybe He will see me the way I see Him, and maybe cards will line up in our favor. But realistically knowing my chances I am going to expect living the rest of my life alone.
-DS<3
Friday, May 24, 2013
Down and Stupid
I wish this was a better post, but I'm feeling down, and none of the less, stupid. And I need to rant.
I knew from the beginning of our D/s relationship that Master was getting over a crush with a vanilla girl that couldn't work, and I thought things would get better for Him, especially with Him owning me. Now it's been about 5 months or so since He's owned me, but yet He still can't get over this girl who probably has more than me going for her at the moment. But what makes it worse is that I get to see His posts on other social networking sites about Him missing her and His pain for her and so on without talking to me, as his doll and sub, about it. He got me to admit to Him that I love Him and how much I care for Him not only as a Master, but as a person as well. so naturally I'm feeling heartbroken tonight.
So yes, I do feel stupid. I feel stupid for falling easily. I feel stupid that I know what my options are with the possible consequences, yet don't know what to do. I've been #2 in some of my other relationships in the past (with and without me knowing at the time) and I know I can't handle it again. I can honestly say that this is probably one of the loneliest times of my life, and that this is the longest I've ever been single in about 7-8 years: no one to openly talk to, hug, cuddle, kiss, fuck, or even hear "I love you". and it's not like I can "move on" and find a boyfriend or girlfriend (yes, I'm bisexual if you didn't know already), or even a fuck buddy because I don't want to get tied down to someone where I'm from because I'd like to move out of state for graduate school.
So maybe He'll read this, maybe He won't. Either way thank you for reading this.
-DS<3
I knew from the beginning of our D/s relationship that Master was getting over a crush with a vanilla girl that couldn't work, and I thought things would get better for Him, especially with Him owning me. Now it's been about 5 months or so since He's owned me, but yet He still can't get over this girl who probably has more than me going for her at the moment. But what makes it worse is that I get to see His posts on other social networking sites about Him missing her and His pain for her and so on without talking to me, as his doll and sub, about it. He got me to admit to Him that I love Him and how much I care for Him not only as a Master, but as a person as well. so naturally I'm feeling heartbroken tonight.
So yes, I do feel stupid. I feel stupid for falling easily. I feel stupid that I know what my options are with the possible consequences, yet don't know what to do. I've been #2 in some of my other relationships in the past (with and without me knowing at the time) and I know I can't handle it again. I can honestly say that this is probably one of the loneliest times of my life, and that this is the longest I've ever been single in about 7-8 years: no one to openly talk to, hug, cuddle, kiss, fuck, or even hear "I love you". and it's not like I can "move on" and find a boyfriend or girlfriend (yes, I'm bisexual if you didn't know already), or even a fuck buddy because I don't want to get tied down to someone where I'm from because I'd like to move out of state for graduate school.
So maybe He'll read this, maybe He won't. Either way thank you for reading this.
-DS<3
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
My Second Life
To start, I apologize for the lack of blogging. Both Master Kronos and I had a hectic schedule, and hasn't been much play, until the past couple of days or so, that is...
Master has introduced me to the game Second Life. I have heard of it before, however, I didn't know it could be this... "fun". I am still getting used to the controls, but when I am in the second world, it is like the real world or human self doesn't exist or matter. I am a kitten pleasure unit owned by Bailey Button, who is also a kitten bot. She is lovely, and a fair owner. My speech changes- I am unable to use first person and contractions. I am leashed by her, and have no freewill- just the way I like it. Like any robot, she can switch me on and off, which affects my human body as well. Unfortunately, due to my inexperience, I disappointed her tonight by not figuring out how to follow a certain command. I feel so guilty and ashamed because, like any good sub, I hate disappointing my Owner. But she punished me by transforming me into a brainwashed doll as she sat back and watched. I focused on the words "Obey, relax, breath deeply", and so on, and I was lost within the words.
He wasn't able to bring back my human self until our Skype session, but I did not want to come back. The thing is,(which I hope he knows and understands) no matter what form he transforms me into, whether it is as his pleasure bot, doll, pet, or back to my human self, I will obey and aim to please him no matter what. Even when Master or myself wants to switch to me being dominant for a session, all I want to do is make him happy. Lately I have been considering what I can do that is subtle/unknown to make myself feel owned or set myself apart from the vanillas while in the vanilla world, such as at work or school. I'll figure something out hopefully.
Well, back to the "real world"... for now.
-DS <3
Master has introduced me to the game Second Life. I have heard of it before, however, I didn't know it could be this... "fun". I am still getting used to the controls, but when I am in the second world, it is like the real world or human self doesn't exist or matter. I am a kitten pleasure unit owned by Bailey Button, who is also a kitten bot. She is lovely, and a fair owner. My speech changes- I am unable to use first person and contractions. I am leashed by her, and have no freewill- just the way I like it. Like any robot, she can switch me on and off, which affects my human body as well. Unfortunately, due to my inexperience, I disappointed her tonight by not figuring out how to follow a certain command. I feel so guilty and ashamed because, like any good sub, I hate disappointing my Owner. But she punished me by transforming me into a brainwashed doll as she sat back and watched. I focused on the words "Obey, relax, breath deeply", and so on, and I was lost within the words.
He wasn't able to bring back my human self until our Skype session, but I did not want to come back. The thing is,(which I hope he knows and understands) no matter what form he transforms me into, whether it is as his pleasure bot, doll, pet, or back to my human self, I will obey and aim to please him no matter what. Even when Master or myself wants to switch to me being dominant for a session, all I want to do is make him happy. Lately I have been considering what I can do that is subtle/unknown to make myself feel owned or set myself apart from the vanillas while in the vanilla world, such as at work or school. I'll figure something out hopefully.
Well, back to the "real world"... for now.
-DS <3
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
Bad Doll...
I felt like a bad doll the past couple days, in two different definitions of the word. To start, I've been busy wrapping up this semester, which has made my sleep schedule (what one I do have) hectic, and unfortunately I've missed my Master's skype calls or messages every now and then, including tonight. I'm actually taking a break from writing a paper now to write this entry, just to clear my mind. I can't wait for our schedules to line up a little better in a week or so like it was before.
I've also been a "bad" doll in that I've had some fantasies the past couple nights that involve dominating my Master. I only had 20 minutes to lay down and shut my eyes last night (well, morning I suppose) before I got ready for school, and all I could think about is making Him my pet, my dog, through my own trigger words. I want to free Him from His human stress for a little while and just play with Him, pet Him, walk Him, everything. After a little of that, I want to make Him my fuck toy, my zentai doll for a night. I want to take that control from Him for a while and let Him sit back and have no need to think for once. I just want to make Him beg to cum.Oh, the things I had in mind for Him.... It was definitely a relaxing 20 minute break.
-DS <3
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